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巧用辞格靓语言——作文教学实录
发布时间:2021-06-14 20:17  来源:未知  点击量:

  Teacher: In the past two years,There was a whirlwind of new concept composition,One of the most important propositions of new concept composition is ”new expression";Since 2000, the college entrance examination composition evaluation standard has also undergone major reforms.Put forward the requirement of "development level”。Whether it's "new expression" or "development level",All of them involve the requirements for composition language,那是, the language must be vivid, vivid, distinctive, and novel,Use one word to connotate (students answer "good" and "beautiful"),That is "beautiful" ("beautiful" written on the blackboard).Then,How to make the language of composition beautiful?

  As the saying goes: "Three-point quality,Dress up seven points."The same is true for writing,As long as you go through the dress of "all four or five links",Why is it not "exquisitely unparalleled"?There are many ways to dress up,The most important and effective method is to use rhetoric.present day,I will introduce to you a trick to turn stones into gold.(The topic of writing on the blackboard "Uses the beautiful language of words skillfully")

  "Rhetoric" is also called "rhetoric",It is a variety of rhetoric methods that "make language expression accurate, vivid, and powerful",Such as metaphor, parallelism, duality, synaesthesia, etc. (students actively answer).以下,Let's look at a folk song,A preliminary experience of the role of rhetoric in language expression.(Show folk song projection,老师读书,班上的学生和老师在阅读时笑了起来。)

  爱你爱你,真正爱你, 恨你恨你恨你真的恨你

  请画家为您绘画。 请画家为您绘画。

  吸引你的目光, 在菜板上吸引你

  整天看着你! 刀将您砍死!

  这是一首流传于湖南的民歌,大家读了之后都忍俊不禁,现在你能说说你的体会吗?你能猜出民歌中主人公的性别吗?

  生:(纷纷参与)这首民歌想象很奇特,“把你画在眼睛上”,“画在结尾板上”看似不合理,却很合情,恰到好处地体现出主人公爱之切,恨之深的心理,我估计主人公应该是女性。

  生:这首民歌采用了反复的修辞格,鲜明地表现出人物先前爱得发疯,后来恨得要死的心理。

  生:我觉得,这首民歌并非在“爱你爱你真爱你”,“恨你恨你真恨你”等局部地方采用了反复的辞格,它在章法上也好像对准了诗经那种重章叠唱的方式,虽然前后只介入了几个字,但感情各别,真挚而强烈。

  生:这首民歌前后两节还采用了对比的辞格,主人公先爱后恨的感情自然而又夸张,人物形象也十分生动鲜明。

  师:好,刚才大家各抒己见,分析得十分在理,请同学们想一想,如果把这首民歌换成平常的口语,应该想到?

  生:我爱你!我恨你!

  生:我真爱你!我恨死你!

  师:这样换了之后谁的表达效果更好?

  生:民歌(异口同声)!

  师:通过这首民间歌谣,大家初步领会了辞格在语言表达中的魅力。以下,我们再体会一下辞格在文学作品中的妙处(板书“体会”)。请比较以下基线句子,体味各自的表达方式和表达效果(出示投影资料)。

  1,a,一张枯叶飘落在苏比的膝头,这意味着冬天就要来到。

  b。 一片枯叶落在索比的膝盖上,这是杰克吗?弗罗斯特的名片。杰克对麦迪逊广场的老居民很友善。每年来之前总是先打招呼。

  2。 一种。 微风掠过,散发一缕芬芳,就像远处一幢高楼的微弱歌声一样。

  b。 微风拂过,散发一缕芬芳,依稀,间歇地,有时,有时什么也没有。

  老师:第一组的哪句话更有效?

  盛:(所有答案)B句很好!

  师:b句的具体优点是什么?

  盛:b句子使用隐喻,比较“枯叶”和“名片”,生动新颖。

  盛:B句也代表冬天,让它变得人性化,充满幽默感,这仅表明Soupy早就想到了自己的冬季公寓,而且他不怕冬季。

  老师:第二组呢?

  盛:一个好句子!b句子的语言更加抽象和笼统。句子使用联觉修辞。

  盛:一句话将嗅觉和听觉与联觉修辞联系起来,微弱的 断断续续的 并偶尔描绘出莲花的芬芳,质感丰富。

  老师:学生们有更详细的经验。分析也更加精确。以下,请再看一遍句子3和4,找出句子中的修辞,并体验效果(显示投影信息)。

  3。 他一点一点地支持它,就像木匠打开折尺一样,然后将衣服上的灰尘除掉。

  4, 嘈杂的聚会场所,像皱巴巴的丝绸,抚摸于静的手现在,它已恢复到原始水平。

  盛:(想一想)第三句话用了一个比喻,Soapy的爱情被抛到了难以挽回的地步,这是非常生动的。

  盛:第四句话也使用了比喻修辞,比较“嘈杂的聚会场所”和“一块弄皱的丝绸”,新颖而富有质感。

  老师:请尝试将其改写为更简单的句子。

  盛:第三句话可以改为“他起床困难,然后将衣服上的灰尘除掉。"

  盛:第四句话可以改为“会场吵,但是当于静来的时候很快就会安静”。

  师:改革前效果很好,改革后效果还是不错的,答案不言而喻。以下,请看第五句话,然后重写它,需要使用具象人物,具体描述孩子的“脏瘦”和“白胖”(老师会展示材料,学生思考并重写)。

  5, 你也带孩子人们还带孩子,你的孩子又脏又瘦他们带来的孩子是白人和胖子。

  老师:谁会读你改写的句子?

  盛:你还带孩子,人们还带孩子,您带来的孩子就像是在街上玩耍的瘦猴子,脏又薄别人带来的孩子就像刚从笼子里出来的steam头。白色和脂肪。

  盛:你还带孩子,人们还带孩子,您带来的孩子就像刚刚烧焦的电线杆,脏又薄他们带来的孩子就像下雪天堆积的雪娃娃。白色和脂肪。

  (上课的老师和学生笑了。教师投影材料。)

  你也带孩子人们还带孩子,你为什么把它从垃圾里拿出来?他们带来的就像一颗剥了皮的鸡蛋心,白色的, 胖而迷人。

  师:这句话是从小说中选出来的,比较预计的原始文本,我已经发现,作者的隐喻肯定是新颖的,但是学生的比喻一点也不逊色。太有想像力了隐喻是精美的。the following,让我们尝试重写第六句话,两种形式的修辞, contrast and duality, are required.

  6. This group of officials,Staring at money everywhere,Inconsistent words and deeds,Do everything to harm the country and the people.

  (Students feel unable to start,The teacher gave some inspiration.)

  Teacher: Think about it, everyone,What color are our Chinese eyes?

  Health: black.

  Teacher: What can money be called in ancient times?

  Health: (Different opinions) Fang Kong brother.Gold.Copper coins.silver.

  Teacher: Which color of money can be compared with the color of eyes?

  Health: (Suddenly realized) Silver!

  Teacher: Smart (Teacher thumbs up)!Please rewrite as required.

  Sheng: These officials,The black eyeballs only stared at the silver,Words of loyalty and patriotism,All things do harm to the country and the people.

  Teacher: Very good (a burst of laughter broke out in the classroom)!In the above three ways, we have compared the vivid sentences to plain sentences, and the plain sentences into vivid sentences. We have experienced the beauty of rhetoric (“cige” on the blackboard) in expressing the meaning of expressions.Next,Let's practice and apply it ourselves (the teacher's blackboard "use",Distribute printed materials).Please read the first one in the material,比较原始稿和修订稿的效果,Then rewrite the segment in this way.

  1. The following is a classmate's work,Compare the effect of the original and revised manuscript,然后以这种方式重写以下段落。

  [原稿] 母亲说我头发太乱,同学们说我的头发马虎我不这么认为。现在流行吗?

  [修改稿] 老妈说我满头“秀发”连一堆枯茅草也不如,同学们说我的发型有点像谢霆锋(Nicholas Tse)的“反向版本”。That is, “强盗般”。在这方面,我打消了这个念头。1998年,是不是最流行的那种“一头卷发”被一一拉直然后切成小块然后变得蓬松蓬松?这真的是“自然地要装饰”,省钱又酷!你不能花那么粗rough自然的钱吗?(摘自2000年《中学语文教学》, 问题9)

  [话语]我骑着那辆破自行车,冲到四英里外的理发店。美发师巧妙地更换了工具,梳理和剪头发。半小时后,完成发型,我很满意骑车回家一路上,我认为一切都很美丽,令人赏心悦目,所有的声音都令人耳目一新。

  2。 模仿以下段落,再写一个以“ charm”开头的段落。

  举止是为大雨中的人们打开的一把小雨伞,举止举止是大树,遮住了焦阳下的人们。 风度是空荡的诸葛亮市镇上钢琴的沉稳声音,风度是周总理外交的平静回应。 举止是指挥家的优雅姿态,举止是思想家的明智领袖。 举止是司仪的正派举止,这是模型的优美步骤; 举止是卓别林的帽子,这是王希之的剧本。

  3。 Choose interesting things that you have personally experienced or made up,Self-made questions,Write an article of more than 800 words,Strive to use more figures of speech,Let the language be innovative.

  Teacher: Compared with the original manuscript and the revised manuscript,The latter is significantly better than the former,Please take a look at the rhetoric used in the revised manuscript?What are the effects of each?

  Sheng: In the revised manuscript, messy hair is referred to as "brilliant hair".Used irony,It is more humorous; at the same time, it compares chaotic hair to "it is not as good as a pile of withered grass."vivid.

  Sheng: The rhetoric of quotation is also used in the revised manuscript.Use Li Bai's verse "naturally go to sculpture" to describe the hair that has not been treated for a long time,Natural and witty.

  Teacher: Not only that,The author also deliberately used repeated techniques,Use the four idioms of "ragged and messy" and "fluffy" to modify "chaotic hair". Humorous and decent; at the same time,The author also cleverly used inlaid rhetoric,Embed the two familiar and fashionable English words "money" and "cool" into the sentence,Show the character's vivid personality,Humorous and full of life.the following,Please imitate this way,Dress up the passages in the material.

  (Rewritten by students,Teacher inspection,Remind students to consider the use of rhetoric,Try to make the article feel like life.After writing,The four classmates circulated the evaluation among each other as a group,And recommend an excellent essay to communicate with the whole class.)

  Sheng: (reading the composition) I launched the "Long March" brand mount that has a long history and outstanding merits, except that the bell does not ring.When you put your feet hard,听起来对我来说是美妙的鼓声,伴随着震耳欲聋的鼓声,我的心跳加快了 我的脚就像风,雷电冲到了理发店2号000米外。

  只是为了放心,理发师的白葱苗条的手扎在我头顶原始的草坡上。推子 梳子向左和向右打开弓箭; 剪刀, 吹风机,轮流战斗; 洗和烤突然改变。那些日子,深圳经济特区的发展无非就是如此!

  30分钟后,“开发区”闪耀,盯着镜子里的崭新面貌,毛主席的诗句不由自主地浮现在脑海:“女神应该是安全的,被世界震惊!“我满意地付了一百二十,飘出理发店,我参加了伴随南北战争的“长征”品牌, 然后飞回家。一路上,天很蓝草很绿,蝉唱得如此流畅,鸟儿的歌真好听我忍不住要真诚地唱歌:“我一直想向你坦白,我多么英勇 我总是想告诉你,我多么热爱生活!".

  (在教室里,老师和同学们一致鼓掌无休止的掌声。)

  老师:学生的掌声是对这篇短文的最好评价。文字清新流畅,修辞是免费的,It is really worth learning for every student!Next,Please see the second material (let a student read it aloud,After reading,Teacher asks),How is this text written?

  Sheng: (All answers) Good!

  Teacher: I wrote it (the whole class laughs knowingly).下面,Ask students to imitate a paragraph starting with "charm",Not less than four sentences,See who writes quickly and well.

  Health: (about 6 minutes later,(Reading the parody) Charm is the chic gesture of the speech master,Charm is Mona Lisa's charming smile; Charm is Michael?Jordan's air slam dunk,Charm is Batistuta's flying kick; Charm is old man Shiraishi's shrimp,Charm is Mr. Beihong's horse.

  Sheng: Charm is the flowing notes on the banjo,Charm is the oil paint flying in the palette; Charm is Su Dongpo singing "Da Jiangdong",Charm is Li Qingzhao's whispering "Looking, Looking, Finding"; Charm is the dexterous feet of the ball king Bailey,Charm is the strong punch of boxing champion Tyson.

  Teacher: Maybe you still have many wonderful clips,Limited by time,Look for opportunities to listen later.Looking back at this lesson,The teacher only gave a little bit of advice,Everyone changed their usual style of writing,There are so many wonderful words and wonderful sentences,This shows that the composition is not difficult to write,It also shows that it's not that we can't write good articles.We usually learn so many dictionaries,Why don't you let it get caught up when it's time to charge?Isn't this lying in the bank and shouting poor?I hope that the students will be more familiar with the figure of speech and use it more,Plum blossom scent comes from the bitter cold,The language is beautiful from the dictionaries (the students applaud enthusiastically)!thank you all,Please complete question 3 in the materials after class,At that time, let's appreciate the strange articles,Okay?(All students answered "Yes",Ringing,Dismissal.)

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